Kai-Isaiah Jamal

Deep down we know we are all much more than what we are perceived to be. For some people, limiting ourselves to what we ‘know’ can be suffocating, and pushing boundaries can feel safer than adhering to the rules.

Model, poet, singer and activist Kai-Isaiah Jamal is someone who is not afraid to challenge the status quo. With an innate sensitivity to the world around them, yet opposed to feeling boxed in and told how it is, Kai reminds us that we are more than we’re allowed to be. At the heart of their message is a call for more awareness and greater unity everywhere, craving the equality in the world they know to be so innately true. 

Kai has been modelling since the age of 17 and has recently begun transitioning. Admittedly not an easy journey, Kai highlights why being typecast as a ‘pretty girl’ never felt safe, “I actually think being vulnerable is the strongest stance that you can have, but I think being pretty equated to being feminine, which at the time equated to being unsafe, and those things made me find fear in femininity, and in being vulnerable or being seen as not as strong as a man.”

Constantly breaking free from the constraints put on them, Kai now moves vulnerability as their greatest strength, making a lasting imprint on everyone they meet. It’s no surprise Kai has been and is muse to many industry heavyweights including the late Virgil Abloh.

There is something bigger about Kai, that feels ancient and boundless. They are light and playful, yet their strength and curiosity sit at the forefront of how they move. It’s evident just how much Kai loves people, and is actively flying the flag for unity, reminding us to look deeper than what we see, “It’s about the art of noticing – it’s about ‘you’ll find it if you look’; if you don’t look, you won’t necessarily find it.” Kai shares.

Kai brings more truth to the word activist, reminding us it’s never about fighting life, it’s about living in it and bringing all you can to it. The wisdom Kai shares is the greatest beauty of all, and left not a dry eye on the set of this shoot, as we listened to them share from the true beauty that they so naturally are. An activist for love, more than anything else, Kai values true connection above anything and has an omnipresent way of doing this so powerfully with everyone they meet.

We are all innately beautiful, born beautiful. Then we grow up and we’re either encouraged to explore that beauty or we’re shied away from it if it doesn’t fit the confines and constraints of wider society.

The freedom of beauty is just to be able to be in your body and not feel any of the weight that comes with the standards that are attached to them. It’s about finding yourself and finding a piece of who you see in the reflection of the mirror, regardless of whether that is exactly the vision that everybody else fits into or that people are pushing you into.

I’m understanding that beauty and comfortability are actually long-lost twins. That’s really what most of us are striving for when we feel beautiful, to be content with the things that we love and not feel like we have to do something to become beautiful.

That’s what I want to work on, that whole Beyoncé – I woke up like this, but taking it further than just a meme, and actually exploring what it is to wake up and be present and find beauty in that. Whether it is a regime or a ritual, to just feel it without adding anything. 

I feel most beautiful when I’m writing. Most things, I don’t process at all until I’ve written about them. Pain can create something amazing. Usually, it has come from suffering or darkness or isolation, but there’s a way to flip it into something that opens the doors to other people.

There are a lot of beautiful people and a lot to be inspired by. It’s about the art of noticing – it’s about ‘you’ll find it if you look’; if you don’t look, you won’t necessarily find it.

I will actively put my phone in my pocket and look out the window to be really present when I’m moving, and I usually find a lot of influence there.

I want to understand things more than I necessarily want to adhere to things. I think understanding what beauty standards are based on, which ultimately is just a male gaze, is understanding that and then realising that.

I’ve always been told ‘Oh but you’re so pretty, why do you want to be so masculine?’ That’s why I want to be masculine because I don’t want to be deemed as just pretty and, therefore vulnerable. As much as I’ve been around really strong women, I’ve always seen it as my vulnerability, and I’m like – how can I ruin the male gaze today with my ideas of beauty? It’s a fun way to approach things and not participate in ever existing for anyone else. 

I’ve fought for so long and so hard to be able to even live in the body that I live in, that if I don’t have (confidence), I won’t be setting a good standard for anyone else for how they should treat it either, you know. 

There are moments where I’ve fallen into it, like when I’ve sat on Instagram for too long – we can all be a victim to it, ultimately. 

I certainly care if someone finds me attractive, but I’m learning to not care about that. I’m learning that your relationship with beauty is actually not about anyone else, like it actually should never involve anyone else. I was talking to someone about beauty, and I was like, ‘I’m not going to be a victim of it.’ 

And even though I’ve lived outside of maybe heterosexuality and heteronormativity, I’ve always lived a pretty privileged life. It sounds egotistical, but it actually isn’t. There is a pressure that comes with people deciding for you that you’re beautiful. Just because somebody else feels that, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s how you engage with it.

Being vulnerable is the strongest stance that you can have, but I think being pretty equated to being feminine, which at the time equated to being unsafe, and those things made me find fear in femininity, and in being vulnerable or being seen as not as strong as a man. I think that maybe experiences in my life where my prettiness created violence or aggression from the opposite sex are where I saw vulnerability as a bad thing.

There’s definitely a lot of that that comes with transitioning as well.

I always want to be warm and joyful and playful but tender, but it’s taken me a lot of not tenderness to get here. I always say to everyone, that it took a hell of a lot of grit to become soft on the other side, but I’m glad I got there. I feel soft now.

I wish more people were vulnerable. I probably feel vulnerable a lot of the time, but I have learned to live with it and find the beauty in it.

Recently, I’ve really been struggling with dysphoria and usually if I’m dysphoric, I just like won’t leave the house. I’ll make sure I wear a binder.

This morning, I couldn’t find my binder. And instead of being like, ‘I know this is, I’m dysphoric.’ And if I don’t find this, my day is going to be ruined. It was just like, okay, so why don’t we just try and not wear it today? And even if it’s uncomfortable, let’s just see how that feels. And let’s push through that emotion. It resets me, like it brings me back to zero and then I can start again.

Or writing or going out and dancing. Anything that I can just move. Move the feeling in my body and decide, let’s just move and wherever we move to, let’s see where that takes us. 

If I feel vulnerable, I’m like today’s the day to open the book and write or read, because you’re flipping the script and turning something negative into something positive. I’ve had to find ways to lend my creativity or ideas of beauty outside of pain and suffering. Otherwise, I think you can get limited within that. 

I have an amazing therapist, probably the only reason that I’m here today with you having this conversation is because of her. She helped me understand that you have a belief, right? And that belief is fueled by an opinion. And when you scrape it all down to the fact, the fact is usually so far away from the belief, and the opinion.