But How Do I Actually Apply Self Love?

I look back at my school years and wonder why the focus wasn’t more on teaching us about the things we actually need – taxes, living in the world, the power of purpose, and ultimately, self-love. Aren’t these the foundations for humanity that could ultimately make and shake the world as we know it? Is it crazy that we leave home, leave school, get on with life, and have billions of people in our world going – hold on, how the f* do I love myself?

With all the hurtling forces in the world thriving on constantly making you feel not enough, including media and advertising, childhood experiences that shook us, those school years and all the conditioning, in fact, a lifetime and more of conditioning, and the constant doubt and bullying from those unrelenting thoughts, it’s no wonder we can find self love such a foreign concept. 

Self love though is not a concept, a trend, or a beauty campaign slogan. It ultimately comes down to a way of life. A commitment to live in a way that supports, and says yes to you.

The meaning of Self Love has been seriously bastardised and confused as brands all over the planet have taken these two words and turned them into something that makes you believe you’re a purchase away from feeling you, yourself are enough.

If you remove all the lies, it’s obvious that actually, self love is really about a responsibility and a commitment to yourself, at every moment. Though it’s also important to not get caught up in making it only about yourself. We can misconstrue self love and self care for being self consumed, and we forget that by loving us, the point is that we can actually show up more, and offer more of that to everyone else. Isn’t that ultimately the point of this all, and what the world needs now? Love, sweet love? Ah It appears so.

This commitment to you can be brought into every part of your day by considering how everything supports you. How you put your shoes on, how you apply your makeup, how you close the door behind you, what you choose to eat. Not perfect of course, but be on your side, always, or as much as you can be. Self love can’t really be reduced to an hour a week, but if that’s a starting point, then do it well.

Below are 12 ways that have helped me bring more self love into my life;

The most liberating thing I’ve experienced is saying no to those relentless thoughts, any thoughts. Thoughts often pull us away from the actual truth and the present moment, as they feed us versions of situations to heighten anxiety, lower our self confidence, or misconstrue. None of it necessary or requires your space. If we were encouraged this at school or as kids, this alone would surely change the game. 

This word is necessary as a marker of our standards. If you don’t want to do something say no. Why do we find this so hard? Is it a fear of missing out, or an inclination to please and put everyone else ahead of us? Both are unloving to you. By saying no to something you don’t want to do, you are loving yourself and also reflecting this back to allow others to also say no.

I learned this the most when I stopped drinking alcohol. It was the most liberating thing, to say no and put myself and what my body was begging for first. And sometimes saying no allows others to consider their yes, maybe, or no too – which is a big yes.

Sleep is the key to how you feel. As we know it’s where a lot of the healing and regenerative processes happen, and is one that if skipped, or skimped down on, will affect the quality of every single aspect of your life, including how you handle life and ultimately how you feel about yourself. Sleeping earlier and waking earlier have been proven to have massive benefits on your mood and productivity. I go to bed most nights about 9/9.30 and even though some people feel they still have stuff to get done from the day, It means I can wake up really early the next day and work with more clarity and focus than I have in the evenings for sure. This alone has completely changed my life and as we know – nothing good happens after midnight anyway. So go to bed.

Pen to paper, be your own therapist. Writing is one of the most therapeutic ways to clear the head and activate clarity within you. It can be a very healing process. The more you establish a rhythm with writing, the more it will flow. Read the wonderful Cleo’s article on writing for well-being HERE.

Get rid of things that you don’t need. It is the absolute best. I recently cleared out my closet, and it’s completely changed how I’m getting dressed. Even though I now have significantly less clothes, I am wearing more of what I do have, as I can see. As we evolve and change through life, this is often naturally reflected in how we dress. Sell or donate things that don’t suit your life or honour where you’re at anymore.

We live in an era of sweatpants and workout gear, and even though this is the best, dressing up can have a massive impact on how you feel, and therefore your day. Putting care into how you get ready, will of course bring that care into your day and your mood. Everything counts, don’t negate from allowing yourself to dress up and feel beautiful. 

Exercise is crucial in how you will feel, on every level. You have to move your body to shift energy. There are so many studies on this you already know, so we don’t need to put them here – but basically, this one should be one of the 1st on your list. I notice a big difference between the days I exercise and the days I don’t. The hardest part is always the anticipation. 

Of course, being with people is a big and beautiful part of planet Earth, but don’t deflect from quieter moments with your own company and the benefits of this intimate relationship with you. Being alone can be confronting for many, maybe because this is when those detracting thoughts attack you, or maybe feelings of loneliness appear – but being alone can often be a place where clarity appears too. To become content in your own space is mind-blowingly beautiful. It’s an unfolding and very important relationship for you to be with you.

The steps to happiness consist of consistency. Set a routine for yourself. Whether it’s a walk, a writing session, exercise, yoga, a bath, cleaning, cooking or whatever, having a routine can help bring you back to level 1, the consistency and religion of routine make for a solid foundation for the rest of your day.

Listen to your body. Monitor how different foods, and drinks make you feel. Does caffeine make you more anxious? Is one coffee/biscuit/wine/whatever enough? Do certain foods make you feel sleepy, or nervous, grumpy or dull after you eat them? Pay attention to how your body reacts to different food and drink, and use this as your dietary guidelines. Life changing. 

 If I’m having an off moment and need to come back to the baseline, the ultimate therapy for me is organising and tidying up. I go to the kitchen and make it spotless. Spotless is more than just dishes, and crumbs, it’s every tea box in place. And it shifts something.

Also – make your bed every day. Yes this is a basic one, but one that can be skipped in a rush. Slow down, be more organised, so that your bed is always made and you always come home to that. It sets the day, and honours the night coming home to a place and space you have put some TLC into.

Find the beauty in everything and everyone around you, but remember that is equally in you, take the inspiration as a reflection, and move that for everyone else.